Basics to communicating with children

In all our relationships we rely on understanding each other’s words, feelings and intent. None so important as parents communicating with their children as this lays the foundation for the children’s subsequent expression of their thoughts and emotions with others, and how they process other people’s attempts to communicate with them. The success of all we do depends on good communication. Parents should therefore be aware of the basics of communicating with children to raise them to successfully interpret and balance the various elements of daily living.
What are these basic principles that parents should practise?

1. Listen twice as much as you talk. It is said God gave us two ears and one mouth to remind us to listen more than we talk. Do not interrupt children while they are talking. You will learn more about what they are thinking and therefore will be better able to agree with what is said or to correct misconceptions they may have. Also when you interrupt them before they are finished, they may feel that you are really not interested in them and may be reluctant to share their thoughts with you in the future.
2. Use language that is appropriate for the child’s age or level of maturity. Use simple words that the child can understand when they are younger and increase the complexity level as they get older. You want to ensure that the child understands clearly what you are saying. Explain words that are new to them.
3. Let your children work alongside you while you are doing your daily activities. They wont only learn these activities but the exchange of ideas between you will make communication easy for them and will give you a relaxed avenue to learn more about those things that affect them.
4. Be prepared to stop whatever you are doing to address your child’s concerns. It tells them you care about them, that they are important and they can share anything with you.
5. Encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts with you. You are best able to guide your children when you know what they think and how they feel about people, social issues, religion, their future, life situations etc.
6. Be open to their sharing a variety of things and situations with you. Do not respond in a negative way to information they share with you, even if it is shocking.
7. Answer all questions truthfully. It is okay to say you do not know but you will find the answer. If you pretend to know and give them incorrect information, they will not trust you in the future and the communication link between you will be broken. They may even lose trust in all adults.
8. Watch for the child’s body language and tone of voice. Their gestures, facial expressions, body position (slouching or erect) will speak volumes about their true feelings. They may say they are okay but they are slouching, their facial expression and tone of voice say they are sad. You too should be careful of your body language and tone of voice. The child will learn to watch your body language for cues of how you are really feeling to determine if they can trust you or if it is a good time to approach you with a problem.
9. Do not call children negative names. This gives a negative energy and you can lose whatever trust you have gained in communicating with each other. There is power in the tongue and these names can become prophetic as children internalize them. Be positive in whatever you say about your children or to them.
10. Encourage them to be honest in all they do. Emphasise how important it is for people to be able to trust them. Respond positively when they speak the truth and punish them for telling lies. Ensure you let them know that they are being punished for lying, and not other negative behaviours that resulted in the lie, unless they are more severe than lying.
11. Pray for them and with them. The most important principle of communicating with your child is prayer. Communication with God will provide them with an avenue to be guided by the Holy Spirit resulting in strong purposeful children. Pray at meal times, bedtime, when they awake in the mornings and when they are leaving for school. Let them pray as well.

Parents it is your job to ensure there is an open line of communication with your child. Be upbeat and understanding and your child will do well.

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